I Slayed My Demon

Do you have something that always seems much more larger than its reality in your head? Your own made-up demon? The last time I had something that freaked me out long before I had to face it was the BCG immunization shot at Standard 6. There were so many urban legends regarding the shot: broken needles, very painful, "BCG tak jadi" that even from Standard 5 I was starting to freak out. I think I was more afraid of BCG than UPSR when I started Standard 6.

But the day of the immunization shot was quite anti climatic. When it was my turn I was prepared to cringe/cry/show that i-am-afraid-please-be-gentle but there was a girl in my class that has learning disabilities, she was crying and refusing to be shot and the class teacher consoled her: "tak sakit, tengok Fadzlin tu senyum" so I had to smile when receiving the shot.

The shot was a bit painful, but it wasn't PAINFUL like what I was imagining it to be. It does left a very ugly mark on my arm though. Tak boleh masuk Miss Malaysia.

When I started my Master by Research, even before I had a research title, even before I started anything I was freaked out with the prospect of the viva. The dreaded defend your thesis session. In my head I was imagining the panels finding every bit of a flaw in every pages, criticizing everything and ending up with me sobbing my messy face into my thesis. Drama queen sungguh! But if there's one thing that makes me nervous it is being put in a spot. I'd rather write 10 pages long essays than talk in front of an audience.

Yesterday was finally my long awaited viva. And Alhamdulillah, I passed with minor corrections. And all praise to Allah, things were made easy for me. I wasn't overly nervous, (I think I was more nervous for my Defend Proposal than viva), when I walked in my external examiner greeted and hugged me, and then my supervisor came in and smiled.. it was very smooth sailing. The chairman, Prof Zainab who is the former Dean of my faculty also really helped in making me not nervous. Also my internal examiner. All four ladies inside the room.. may Allah bless their kindness towards me. I can feel their sincerity in helping me improve my thesis, they weren't looking for faults, rather they were teaching me where I can improve. It did end up with me crying, but out of gratefulness that it went well, and that I'll finally be awarded this long awaited Master title.

Victory!

MasyaAllah, all these teachers of mine really showed me how I should behave when I become a lecturer soon. May Allah grant me the ability to be as good as them and to inspire my students to be good too.

Finally, I am graduating!