The new semester starts this coming Monday, and I'm trying to put my mind and focus into the course I registered.
I have been feeling very jitterish and nervous about this latest undertaking. While I am excited and interested in doing research, I suffer from every student's disease : procrastination and inconsistent motivation.
There were times when I was an undergrad where I thought I worked best under pressure. And what better way to add pressure in your life than postponing your work to the very last? Pulling all-nighters, typing and exhausting my brain so that I can come out with an acceptable (at least to me) research. During the time when I had to submit my Final Year Project, I actually did not sleep for more than 36 hours. Crazy I know, but miraculously that project was awarded best FYP. If only the awarding committee knew how much of a lazy bum I was during the earlier part of the semester I think they wouldn't have given me that award.
I know that if I had started doing my writing earlier, I won't need to go through that hellish last week before submission. And this is the most scary part : I know that the same tactic ABSOLUTELY won't work now that I'm a graduate student. It would be like comitting suicide.
I can't ever remember me finishing an assignment not before the day/night it was due. That is how chronic my procrastination problem is. I guess that's how I always work. I need that extra push, that extra adrenaline rush, that fear of impending due date before I can focus and actually finish what I started.
I need to change. I need to find a different sort of rush/motivation for doing work. And I still don't know if I can find it. That is a bit scary.
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