Yesterday someone whom I haven't contacted for a long time messaged me. I was surprised. He was once someone close to me. He was always making me laugh. I liked him very much. He gave me a bouquet of roses for my convocation. It was the first time ever that I received flower from a guy.
But I guess our friendship just wasn't meant to be. He wanted something more. But I can't give it. I don't want to give it. I guess he was hurt by my decision. We stopped contacting each other.
It has been almost one and a half year. I was pleasantly surprised yesterday. Well, raya is coming and maybe this is my chance to say sorry if I've hurt his feelings before.
I didn't get the chance. Almost immediately he told me he now has a girlfriend that he met this Ramadhan month and started telling me how wonderful she is. Then he said it's my loss that I rejected him. His exact words were "Itulah, dulu M*** ajak bercinta tak nak, Lin jual mahal sangat."
What the?? I was really irritated. And I guess my reply to him wasn't exactly delicate. I was very sarcastic with it. My intent was to hurt.
But looking back now after 24 hours, I think should've arranged my words with more care. This is a person, who almost immediately after he got "someone" messaged me to taunt me with it.
I was not jealous. I was just really confused. Why? Why this "revenge"?
I think.. back then I must've hurt him very much. For him to make this kind of action. To prove that there is nothing wrong with him. To prove that the blame is with me.
I'm sorry. Very sorry. Thing of the heart is really delicate.. I think... I never meant to promote his feeling back then, and as far as I know I never did. I don't even remember how I rejected him. I guess I'm the worst.
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I am really bad when it comes to matters regarding the heart. I'm not rational (as always). My heart always refuse to follow what my head is saying. I'm cursed.
I'm afraid.. that one day.. I too...
Arghh! Let's pray that it won't come to that.
6 comments:
Hati sendiri lagikan tiada boleh 'dipaksa'; apatah lagi hati orang...
Sungguh hanya Pemiliknya yang Satu - dapat membuat hambaNya (Si hati..) merasa atau sebaliknya.
Anon : Ahh... How true that word is...
Pedulikkan mamat tu!
Pak busu : Okay..
you're not cursed.. ade ke pulak.. matters of the heart huh... yeah... pak busu mmg betul... pedulikan je.. ape barang laki camtu.. such a poor excuse of a man... (tp based on ur side of the story ah..xtau his side.. but then, not that i'm all that interested to knw his side of the story).. basically, carilah cinta yg hakiki kan?
arisin : I was never in love with that guy, so dengan senang hati i'm going to ignore him. Yalah cinta hakiki.. diri sendiri pun Dia yang punya, inikan pula orang lain, ye tak?
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